3. Describe your relationship with your spouse.

What can I possibly say about someone so entrenched in my life that he is practically a part of me?

Sometimes our relationship can be distilled into a series of soundbites; things I've said a hundred times at dinner parties that both encapsulate and exemplify our public sides.

• When I first met Nick I thought, "He's cute, but he's too tall to date." He thought, "ditto."
• We met at Bumbershoot, but he met 20 young women that day and he didn't remember me.Well he did, but I think it's funnier to say he didn't. He does not think it's funnier.
• He started liking me when he found out I liked comic books. 
• After we had been dating for 6 months it did not occur to Nick to get me a Christmas present.
• We got engaged quite nonchalantly: Nick said, "blah blah blah when we are married." I said, "Are we getting married?" Nick said, "Sure." I said, "So, should we get engaged?" He said, "Let's." And we were.
• I once told Nick that when it came down to my id, what I desire most is to be loved and protected, to feel the warmth of someone's arms around me. He told me that was cool because his id desires to love and protect: to be the one who wraps his arms around someone else. Maybe it's a man-woman thing. Maybe it's a me-Nick thing.

Sometimes our relationship seems to defy words all together.

Life with Nick, after children, has been totally unexpected. We feel closer than we've ever been but also further away. This won't come as news to anyone who has kids with a life partner, but just like everything else about having kids: You can't understand it until you live it.

I am, generally, a self-absorbed person. (This cannot be a news flash to anyone reading this blog, it is, after all, a blog.) I spend a lot of time bogged down in, messing with, and figuring out my own existence.
When Nick entered the picture I continued in this way but I was able to divide my obsession; so I was maybe only 65% concerned with my own navel, and 35% into him and his interests and his joys. 
Post kids the break down is more like: 50% kids, 35% me, 15% him.

On the surface, I'd say, this kinda blows for Nick, except for the first time in our relationship, this ratio is about the same for him too. In that way, we are more aligned than we have ever been. And when I see him care for our daughters in a way that is so natural and delighted, I feel as close to a person as I possibly can.

All that is to say that we aren't as focused on each other, but seem to be more in sync.

That's right, 'N Sync.
A fact underscored this morning by listening to the new Justin Timberlake album together.