Wow. I'm pretty sure the goal wasn't to try and scare me with all the videos of labor... but they kinda did.
I am glad to know more about what to expect from the process though. I think the main thing willbe to figure out how to keep mysef from being afraid. Fear is natural and has its place but I want to go into this thing feeling like it is a natural process that everyone's mother has gone through. I will get through it too.
Nick continues to impress me with his generousity and desire to support me. I feel closer to him now than I ever have before. It's amazing how much my heart just keeps opening up to him to love him more and more. I know that's what it will feel like when the kiddies are here and it makes me happy.
Going forward I'm torn with how much more "education I want about what has gone wrong for other people. On the one hand it's good to know about so I don't make the same mistakes. On the other, do I really need to hear another story about twins dying at 21, 22, 24, 28, 32 weeks? No. I am pretty sure I don't need to hear about that anymore.
Got to spend time with 4 month old Kaye and almost 4 Rhen this week. My goodness, Kaye is a chill baby. I didn't think it was possible for a baby to NEVER FUSS. He's just chillin', man. Also, he's giant. At 4 months he weighs more than my niece Eleni does at 2 years. And he looks exactly like his dad, Jae. Gangsta.
Right now there are 6,692,030,277 of us alive on the planet. That's a lot of births. My pregnant self always felt better when I thought about that. Hang in there lady!
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